Going to Church

Podcasts are great company for knitting. Sunday, I decided to catch up on Unlocking Us by Brené Brown and the next two episodes in my queue were discussing Little Fires Everywhere. Serendipity.  (And yes, I'm also a year behind.)

Brené Brown referenced Austin Channing Brown in her conversation with both Celeste Ng and with Reese Witherspoon and Kerry Washington so I went off in search of the quote… which led me to her book, I’m Still Here:  Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness.

I read I’m Still Here in one sitting (with a contemplative pause in the middle). That night, after I had finished, I told my partner that I felt like I had been to church. It was a sermon that snuck up on me, that I felt like I was ready for, and made me wriggle uncomfortably at times. Throughout the book while reading, I found myself either nodding along, saying “mmm-hmm” or “oh” aloud, or just plain teary without words. I also spent a good amount of time looking at the mirror.

Today (this time with a bit of mask sewing) I scrolled through Unlocking Us again, stopped at Austin Channing Brown’s and in an hour was again overcome. (Brené Brown also described her talk as going to church so I felt like I was in good company.)

Brene Brown’s quote from Austin Channing Brown came from "Chapter 7: Nice White People". Another that I highlighted is from "Chapter 8: The Story we Tell":

“It is haunting work to recall the sins of our past. But is this not the work we have been called to anyway? Is this not the work of the Holy Spirit to illuminate truth and inspire transformation?

It’s haunting. But it’s also holy.

And when we talk about race today, with all the pain packed into that conversation, the Holy Spirit remains in the room. This doesn’t mean the conversations aren’t painful, aren’t personal, aren’t charged with emotion. But it does mean we can survive.” p 72

I’ve still got work to do, but I always want to be aiming toward that goal of being a better human. I hope you will join me.

The Key: We

I finished Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng on the same day that kiwi tasted again like kiwi.  Saturday morning, with a giant cup of coffee in hand and planted firmly on the sofa, I dug in to learn the outcome of the trial, to journey those "end" moments for the Warrens and the "beginning" for the Richardsons.  I re-read Chapter 1 and then paused to think, in general, about carrying weighted things.

April was a month interrupted.  Flights changed, doctors consulted, Covid confirmed (not exactly in that order).  

For much of my illness*, I had no flavor.  Lemon and vinegar returned first in taste, like a violent kick in the face.  (Orange was my first returning smell.)   Another day I was shocked to eat a kiwi and have it taste, well, not like something one would choose to eat.  After receiving third-party confirmation that it was not rotten, I ate it anyway, in large uncomfortable bites.  This flavor would progress to bitter, then mildly bitter until today, when mind, mouth, and memory returned to agreement and enjoyment.  A new beginning.

Fall changing to spring ahead.

*As someone who was/is always masked and rarely left the house, if you've had a chance to get vaccinated and haven't done so and/or if you're not using your mask, I'd recommend you change your mind and your habits.